


Bingo Hogwarts Style

by elvirakitties



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - No Voldemort, Implied Slash, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-19
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2018-12-31 12:06:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12132141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elvirakitties/pseuds/elvirakitties
Summary: Voldie is dead but Dumbledore is up to his old schemes.





	1. Chapter 1

Severus was walking extremely fast, fine he was running, towards Grimmauld Place. He threw open the door, glared at Lady Black as she started screaming, she stopped after two words. "Mutt, Wolf get down here now. It's an emergency."

"Is Harry hurt?" Sirius' panicked voice echoed down the stairwell. He had been upstairs cleaning the place. They had decided to finally clean up and get the place in order.

"No, you flea-ridden mongrel, it's worse. Now get down here." Severus snapped. "I will put the tea kettle on. You have three minutes or I am going to put a hex your bits off."

"What is going on Severus?" Remus was carrying his own mug in his left hand and had a book tucked under his left arm. He had been in the library, like usual.

"Dumbledore's last scheme. We need to stop it."

"What has he done now? It's only been a week since Voldie was killed, he can't have something planned already?" Sirius took a mug down and tested it for any potions, before pouring some coffee. He didn't want to test the tea.

"He wants Harry to marry Ms. Weasley. He had Minerva and me in his office for signing a contract. Minerva refused before I could. He is going to try and get you to sign off on it as a witness since it has to be a legal guardian since Minerva declined."

"He can't. I am Harry's magical guardian." Sirius slammed the mug down, cracking the mug.

"He can since Harry is still in school, he can as the Headmaster, in lure of Harry not having any parents." Remus explained. "However, we can get around that."

Severus smirked. "Yes, we can. It's time to plan."

_________________________________________________________________________________________

A week later:

Severus opened the doors to the Great Hall as Sirius made an elaborate entrance, followed by Harry and Remus. "I am telling if we put a fireplace in here it will warm the room greatly." Sirius was wearing flamingo pink robes with a darker pink trim. His hair was purple with pink highlights. He was waving a paisley scarf. "We can put it in the center, with the candlelight, and the night sky, it will make a perfect romantic room."

"We will need to do something to the floor. Stone will take away the effect." Harry pulled a tape measure out of a pouch. "Maybe that bamboo flooring you mentioned?" Harry was dressed in black Levi jeans, black dragon hide boots, a deep emerald green silk shirt, his glasses were missing and his hair was to the middle of his back and tied back with a matching green tie.

"A rug would work." Remus was dressed in a deep blue robe, over black trousers and white shirt. The robes screamed money.

"We need to take the measurements first. We could always create smaller round tables for people to eat at." Severus ignored all the looks they were getting. Some clearly thinking they were a few pieces short of a fruit bowl. "If we put the fireplace in the center of the room, we could use the raised platform."

"True." Harry handed out the tape measures. "We will need temporary quarters while Hogwarts is remodeled for us to move in. Sirius, do you think we can stay with you while the work is being done?"

"Sure. They are going to work on Grimmauld Place after that. I know we started cleaning but it needs a total remake. I am thinking of gutting it." Sirius pranced further into the Great Hall, directing his floating tape measure to start measuring the chairs and tables.

"What is going on?" Dumbledore stood from his chair, he was clearly confused.

"1 square for me." Harry walked to the wall to his right and set the tape measure loose. He directed it towards the wall.

Remus walked to stand in front of the Headmaster but before he could say anything the doors were opened again and everyone watched Cornelius Fudge, followed by Madam Bones, Kingsley Shacklebolt, and a small group of Aurors, make their entrance. "Dumbledore why haven't you answered my calls?" Fudge was clearly still the same idiot he always had been and the rest were suffering for it.

"I was unaware you needed me." Dumbledore was very confused, he had no idea what was going on. He didn't like the idea of not knowing what was going on. He had been in charge for decades and it wasn't going to change. It's why Fudge was still in office.

"It's the floo network, it's been shut down." Madam Bones sighed. "I have been telling you that."

"I believe we need to speak in my office."

"2 squares for me." Harry bounced up and down. "Hey, Severus, don't forget we need to still measure for more bookcases the private library we want in the old Headmaster's office."

"I have it written down. We need to find a new guard too." Severus answered.

"What is wrong with a giant bat?" Sirius sent his tape measure to measure the dinnerware on the table. "I think it would work wonders, and no one would dare to try and enter our private library."

"I thought we decided on a dragon?" Remus was sorting out things in his pouch, he had laid some of the parchments on the table. "A nice black one, with smoke that will come out of his nose if you get the password wrong two times and on the third, flames out of its nose."

"Oh, we did agree to that, didn't we?" Sirius waved the tape measure forward, towards measuring the other place settings. "Can we have it with a scar on its face?"

"I think we can work with that." Severus paused at the thought of their new guard. "It can even have wings."

"Fangs?" Harry was writing whatever figures he got from the tape measure down, people thought, the boy was acting like he was on a sugar high. "It needs to have fangs."

"Fine fangs, too." Severus gave a put-upon sigh.

"See giant bat." Sirius mumbled, rather loudly, to Remus, who nodded his agreement.

"My office." Dumbledore was trying to regain control over the situation, but no one moved towards the doors.

"Oops, Remus, you need to give him the notice." Harry waved his hand at the windows. "Go measure them." He told the tape measure.

Remus removed a bottomless pouch from his robes, started pulling out different colored scrolls. If anyone had been looking they would have seen the first pouch was just filled with sketches and diagrams of Hogwarts. "Sirius, get over here and start passing these out."

"Who gets what?"

"The names are on the tags." Remus answered as he was still looking inside the pouch. "Yes, found it." He handed over a large scroll to Dumbledore. "You have been served." Sirius was passing out the scrolls to the individual staff members.

"I've been fired?" Sybill cried as she opened her black scroll.

"1 to Remus." Sirius' fist pumped. He finally got a square.

"That was a freebie, it shouldn't count." Severus, after all, was Slytherin, and he wasn't about to let another Gryffindor get a square before he got another one.

"What is going on?" Draco Malfoy asked Blaise Zambini. While he knew his godfather was a spy, he never expected him to get along with Harry Potter. He was a bit confused.

"I have no idea, but it's getting interesting." Blaise wondered how blind Draco could be. Clearly, Harry and Severus, had a thing going, but as true Slytherins, they didn't display it at Hogwarts were Dumbledore was the head cheese.

Dumbledore opened the purple spotted scroll and started reading, his face getting pale. "Merlin, you can't to it."

"He said it, he said it." Harry jumped up and down. "Pay up, Severus. 3 squares."

"You had to say it like that. I picked any other way but that, Albus." Severus pulled out his change holder, pulled out a knut. "Here." He winked at Harry. Who gave a suggestive eyebrow raise.

"You have no right to fire anyone." Dumbledore stated.

"2 for Severus." Sirius announced.

"2 for us all, but Harry, he has 4." Remus explained.

"You can't. You really can't really be doing this." Dumbledore waved the scroll around.

"Do what?" Filius was reading his light blue scroll. He was looking at a new contract, with better pay, benefits, and the ability to teach what he wanted.

"Hogwarts is going private, everyone is being evicted." Remus announced. "Some of you have been let go, most of you were given new contracts."

"You can't be serious?" A few students asked. The Slytherins, however, were finding this very interesting. Dumbledore was being removed from Hogwarts.

"No, I am Sirius. He is Remus Lupin, that is Harry Potter, and last in our little squad of players is Severus Snape." Sirius announced, waving his scarf around as he continued to prance.

"I demand to know what is going on." Cornelius really looked like a two-year-old throwing a temper tantrum.

"I told you already, we got evicted from all of the government buildings." Madam Bones walked over to her niece. "Let me sit down, that man is giving me a headache." She knew this day was going to be long, but she had been looking forward to it.

"Evicted from the government?" Dumbledore was confused. "How?"

"Well, according to what saw posted on the buildings, we broke the magical binding contract for the land." Kingsley had been wondering what was going on, as the day was getting weirder and weirder, and that was saying something to a seasoned Auror, and survivor of the war.

"Bingo, I got Bingo." Harry ran around Remus. "I won, I won."

"Yes, you did and for getting the first Bingo, you have won the right to decorate one of the floors exactly how you desire." Remus announced as he crossed for the prize from his list. A list made up after a very drunken debate about what kind of prizes should be given. Three bottles of Firewhiskey later, they had their list.

"That so isn't fair." Sirius pouted.

"We still have more spots on the cards." Remus said. "You might win something, next up is the right to pick the new furniture in the common rooms."

"I thought we were going to leave-" Severus sent his tape measure up to the rafters.

"Gentlemen another time. Let's return to the matter at hand." Madam Bones reminded them.

Kingsley opened the scroll that he had been handed by Madam Bones earlier. He hadn't had a chance to fully read it because Fudge was demanding they guard him as he visited Hogwarts for find out answers. "We lost the land when the Ministry broke the contract concerning locking up innocent citizens, failing to provide a trial, slander, failure to fix the miscarriage of justice-" Kingsley stopped reading. "Who wrote this?"

"I did." Sirius proudly stated, waving his scarf in the air. "It's all true."

"Yes, I am aware of that but a miscarriage of justice, really? Nevermind. Now getting back to the reason, accepting bribes from known felons. The land leased to the Ministry of Magic by the Black family has been returned to the hands of the Black family."

"Harry, how could you?" Granger accused.

"What? I'm only heir Black."

"I believe we should take this someplace a bit more private. Where we can discuss this and work on a finding a solution." Dumbledore needed to be someplace where he could work on getting Harry and Sirius back under his control.

"Well, that just achieved Harry another Bingo." Severus muttered. "He got private, discuss, and solution." Figures Harry's luck would change right now. He wanted to get a prize or two.

"Yes!" Harry high fived Sirius.

"He can't be Lord Black, he was in Azkaban." Cornelius pointed to Sirius.

"Falsely imprisoned. I was innocent." Sirius pointed out. "Harry, Severus, may I have one of the unused classrooms to set up a prank shop?"

"Why are you asking them?" Ron asked.

"Well, they own Hogwarts. We need their permission if we want to open a prank shop. I think the Weasley Twins might allow us to carry their line of products in the shop. They can branch out here." Remus searched his parchments, for the one that had the diagrams of Hogwarts.

"If they aren't going to be used in a dangerous or harmful way, I have no problem." Severus answered. "Harry?"

"Whatever, you are the new Headmaster." Harry answered.

"What do you mean they own Hogwarts?" Ginny asked. "I have the right to know I am engaged to Harry." She tried, but it was an epic fail, to walk alluring towards Harry.

"Save me, someone, save me from the red-hair beast coming towards me." Harry peeked around Severus. "Did she say engaged?"

"Yes, finally caught that did you?" Severus asked.

"I am not marrying that girl, she has red hair, flashbacks to my mother, no thanks, and not to mention but she is also the wrong sex."

"That would be the biggest way to deflate any desire." Sirius shuddered thinking of his own mother.

"We have a contract, it's all signed." Ginny smirked.

"No, you don't." Madam Bones stated. "There isn't any contract filed at the Ministry or Gringotts."

"As I own 62.5% of Hogwarts, Severus owns 37.5% we removed Dumbledore from the Headmaster position. The new co-Headmasters might sign off on the contract, but I don't think they will." Harry answered.

"Severus is the new Headmaster." Dumbledore was shocked, he was not the Headmaster any longer. The Slytherins clapped at the news.

"Yes, he is. Now, this brings us back to what we meant to discuss earlier. All the students will receive their acceptance letters this summer. As soon as we have all the new classes and staff in place. We will send everyone the complete list of courses we will be offering. If you wish to remain after your seventh year and take any of the new courses you are welcome to return." Remus stated.

"What about the Ministry?" Cornelius demanded.

"We have some rules on that. I will sign a new agreement, in exchange, you and Madam Umbridge will retire. You will have nothing to do with politics. I will sign a new long-term lease granting the Ministry use lands and wards." Sirius smirked.

"I am not retiring." Cornelius snapped. "You can't force me to do it."

"Bingo, finally." Severus stated. "I get to pick our vacation." He told Harry, Harry just shrugged.

Madam Bones looked at Kingsley. He nodded. "I am going to make it simple. You sign the new agreement or you go to Azkaban, Cornelius. Albus, you will step down without a complaint, and no charges will be filed against you and your little minions. I believe Mr. Lupin has the contracts."

"I do." Lupin grinned.

After everything was signed, with Granger whining about having to pay Harry and Sirius for damages to books, Minerva smirked, and quietly said, "I believe I won on that bet."

"Aurors will be escorting you to your dorms, or in Albus' case, his quarters to gather your things. The elves have already packed everything. I believe your brother is expecting you, Albus. The rest of you will be escorted home by an Auror." Madam Bones said. There was a lot of mumbling and as the Aurors escorted them away.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback to the "meeting" night.

Sirius was pacing in his kitchen. Harry was on his way to the house and they had been trying to figure out what to do. "I say we take everything."

Remus and Severus didn't reply right away as they thought about what Sirius said. "I agree." Harry was standing in the doorway. "Let's do a clean sweep."

Two hours later:

"No, no, it's not Battleship, it's Bingo." Sirius threw the Bingo cards on the kitchen table. "We each create a different thing that Dumbles or even Fudge might say." 

"Dumbarse would be easier." Severus looked at the cards. "We need to find a way to get Fudge out of the Ministry." 

"I did. A while ago. I own their land and hold the lease." Sirius smirked. "I think we need to celebrate." They had spent the last two hours reviewing and organizing all the ways they could protect Harry. They decided getting rid of Dumbledore and Fudge was the best solution. 

"We do and I know where the twins stored their Firewhiskey." Harry got up and headed up the staircase outside of the kitchen.

"Should we worry that he knows where they stored it?" Remus looked over his shoulder at the empty staircase.

"No, he isn't much of a drinker. Though, it does explain a lot." Severus had wondered for over a year at who could have financed the twins and realized it had to have been Harry. Harry was had a lot of Slytherin traits. "So how do we keep Harry from marrying that hussy?"

"No valid marriage contract so that is easy." Remus had sorted through the legal paperwork that had gotten from Gringotts after Voldie was declared officially deceased. He hadn't been impressed with what he had learned and knew Harry and Sirius weren't either. 

Dumbledore hadn't really managed the Potter Vaults while he allowed anyone and everyone free access to the books, houses, and even items in the vaults. Remus had arranged for a recall of everything. Ironclaw, Remus, and Sirius set up a financial plan for Harry as Severus arranged for lessons for Harry.

"Let's get started." Harry returned holding several bottles of Firewhiskey. "Figured we might need a few."

"After we finish these contracts and things." Remus pointed out their plan. "We need to make sure we won't provide Albus with an out." 

"True." Sirius tossed the Bingo cards on the counter. "But afterward?" 

"Yes." All agreed.

Three hours later:

They had finished writing up the new contracts for the Hogwarts' employees, finished arranging the new structure for Hogwarts, and how they wanted to handle getting Hogwarts back to her original glory. Now the Firewhiskey was kicking in. 

Sirius had given everyone two Bingo cards. They were to each fill in a square with what might be said by Dumbledore or Fudge or what each man might do. "Do we want to add the Idiotic Trio?"

"Maybe, let's see how we go on this." Remus took a sip of his Firewhiskey. "We have plenty of time." They had already figured out what they would be wearing and how they would make an entrance. 

"I say Dumbledore will want to keep us talking and won't want to move us away from everyone as he will want to be able to say he didn't do anything to influence our decisions." Sirius started to write it in his square but since it was rather long he abbreviated it.

"No, he will say his office." Harry wrote it on one of the Bingo cards. "Oh, oh, can't forget slight misunderstanding." 

"I say Voldie. He will use Voldie." Severus wrote on his card. "He likes guilt."

"Fudge is going to ask what is going on. I think the slight misunderstanding should be a freebie for everyone." Remus wrote out his Fudge comment. 

"He will try and say the Mutt can't handle anything regarding Harry because of Azkaban." Severus wrote that one down. "He loves to make everyone feel guilty. He will use Harry's parents." Severus filled in another block.

"Don't forget love." Sirius added it to his card as everyone laughed. "How about image?"

"Oh, I like." Remus wrote it down on one of his boxes. "We will do the prizes after we get the cards filled."

"Do you think Fudge will bring Umbitch?" Harry asked.

No one bothered to correct Harry as they wrote Fudge brings Umbridge. "Madam Bones she will be there." Severus wrote that down in one of his squares. "She will bring some Aurors not Fudge's lackeys." 

Harry wrote private and discuss in two more squares. "Open another bottle, Sirius. We did the contracts and everything else. I say we deserve some more."

Sirius agreed as he looked at the neat stack of scrolls. "I agree." 

Two hours later:

"No, I want a floor." Sirius pointed at the map of Hogwarts. "We need to redo the whole place."

"How about burning Dumbledore's robes?" Harry reached for the quill. "Add it, add it, please."

"If he leaves any behind you can have a bonfire." Severus wrote it down on the list. "I will even help." 

The next morning:

Harry groaned as Severus handed him a Hangover Potion. "Thank you, Sev, I mean it." 

"You're welcome. I know." Severus handed Harry a cup of coffee. Kreacher had clearly been in the room as the dirty clothes were gone and the room was cleaned up. "The other two idiots can ask." 

Harry took a sip of coffee and moaned with pleasure. He frowned as a thought popped into his head. "Severus, why do I remember saying one of your prizes is that we do something kinky you like?"

"Because it is." Severus handed the list over to Harry. Severus had been up for an hour already. Kreacher woke up him at his usual 6 AM. "As well as you agreeing to a shopping trip." He couldn't wait to get Harry into some real clothes, not the hand me downs he always wore.

Harry groaned, he hated shopping. He finally read the list. "What? What is this? Snake tunnels?"

"I must admit I'm a bit fuzzy on that one too." Severus pointed further down the list. "I'm unclear on that one too."

Harry read it. Looked up at Severus. "Really? Nake riding a horse through Hogsmeade for the loser. It has to have been Sirius." 

"I find I'm in agreement with you. We will have to make sure he loses." Severus didn't want to even think if riding a horse naked. "I believe that ties in with the Emperor New Clothes prize." Severus pointed further down the list. "It seems he only had one thing on his mind judging from some of other items." 

"I think so. We so need to make sure we don't lose." Harry lowered the list. "I can't even read the last few but the ones before that are in parseltongue and they involve me doing things to you." 

"OH!" Severus grabbed the list. He looked at the end of the list. It all looked like a mess to him. "Do I want to know?"

"I can tell you if you lose." Harry looked at the clock. He dropped the list on the bed. Harry was going to make sure Severus lost to him. They needed to beat Sirius and Remus. "If we get those two up, we can hit Hogwarts for lunch." 

They heard some screaming. "I already took care of it. Item 16 on the list." Severus handed the list back to Harry. Harry the list, cold water wake-ups for the last ones up. "I guaranteed we wouldn't be the victims." Severus put a sleep spell on the two of them as he set up the prank. He didn't want them to wake up before he woke up Harry. 

Harry laughed and gave Severus a kiss. "Let's get dressed. Sirius mentioned something last night about a pink robe. I think I remember about thigh high boots."

"We mustn't forget the paisley scarf, too. I think he might have a mother issue. He kept mentioning his mother in his sleep." Severus remember the comment, vaguely, but he thought it was in reference to making Remus dress up as one of the dashing heroes from some earlier period in history. 

"If you had his mother, wouldn't you?" 

"True." Severus and Harry ignored the two doggies screaming about being wet and yelling at each other for yelling because of their hangovers. 

"Potions for them?" Harry gathered up his clothes. "I need a shower and want to get it before they use up all the hot water."

"Yes, I have potions for them." 

Harry kissed Severus again. "Don't make them beg too much. I want to get to Hogwarts and enjoy the fun."

Severus smiled. A real smile. He had someone who didn't mind his twisted sort of fun or his black humor. Someone who didn't want to change him. He was going to enjoy this trip to Hogwarts.


End file.
